Birthdays and Binges
Last week my husband turned 36. Birthdays have never prompted much merriment for him, he views them as "just another day". I find this sad and wrong. I'm happy my husband was born and I think that's cause to celebrate! He doesn't think much of his birthday and he doesn't like surprises. He doesn't like surprises but he does like presents. I have tried many times to surprise my husband with various presents over the years and it never works. Because of his strong aversion to being surprised he has become quite proficient at guessing. The first year we were together he told me stories about how he would frustrate his mother by shaking plain rectangular boxes under the Christmas tree and precisely deducing what it contained. While attending a local craft show that year I found him the perfect gift. My husband doesn't have "collections" per se, he has obsessions. One of his obsessions is the Datsun Z (a 240 to be exact, but any Z will do). I had found a chocolate replica of this very thing. I was utterly impressed with myself. But, remembering the miffed mom stories, I was determined that he would be surprised by this gift. The chocolate figure was already encased in a plastic rectangular box so I had the ingenious idea to hand it to him in a plain brown paper bag. (Sometimes simplicity is best). When I put the nondescript package in his outstretched hand he closed his eyes and with a playfully sympathetic sigh he said, "It's a chocolate Z." I vowed I would never again try to surprise that man! From then on his gifts have gone from the store to the shopping bag into his hand..no wrapping, no pomp and certainly no circumstance.
However, on his 30th birthday we both got the surprise. I woke up that morning and rolled out of bed. I was overdue with our third baby so "rolled" is not an unrealistic term to use. I began preparing his traditional breakfast in bed when I started feeling "icky". By the time breakfast was made and the childrens' construction paper cards were crafted my contractions were 4 minutes apart. I can honestly say my husband has never been able to reciprocate the magnitude my gift to him that day.
This year I wanted to do something special....not as special as 6 years ago, mind you, but something he would really appreciate. Anyone who has met my husband knows one thing he really appreciates is food. We had been watching a show called Man Vs. Food, a ridiculous yet entertaining program in which a relatively average man takes on grotesque eating challenges. If one ignores the glorification of gluttony some pretty appetizing platters are prepared. This particular show was all about burgers, Hubby's favorite. The host's challenge was to eat an absurdly gigantic burger. He failed...miserably. Hubby's mouth watered as he watched. After the show he declared that he would love to go on a "burger road trip". He wanted to drive around the U.S. finding the best burgers. Just as anyone who knows my husband would know he likes food, anyone who knows me would know I'm cheap. The thought of a road trip for the sole purpose of eating doesn't make sense to me. Why would a person travel into and around another country for something I can make at ho....HEY! I can make that at home! I could give him a special birthday meal and protect our financial future at the same time.
I hurriedly prepared a list of ingredients that I knew he would like then gave him the list. I had no intention of attempting a surprise (obviously) but when he read the list his eyes twinkled evilly. "I know what you're making!" I looked at him over the top of my glasses as if to say, "Are you done yet?" He turned and dutifully agreed to stop at the grocery store on his way home from work.
That night I made the monster. The birthday burger was 2 pounds of lean ground beef topped with shredded cheese, cream cheese, roasted jalapeno peppers, bacon, onions, mushrooms, and several condiments on a loaf of sour dough round. I can tell you that man did not conquer food that night, food definitely won the battle even after reinforcements were called in. Hubby enjoyed every minute of his defeat and applauded my efforts on the second best gift I've ever given him.
However, on his 30th birthday we both got the surprise. I woke up that morning and rolled out of bed. I was overdue with our third baby so "rolled" is not an unrealistic term to use. I began preparing his traditional breakfast in bed when I started feeling "icky". By the time breakfast was made and the childrens' construction paper cards were crafted my contractions were 4 minutes apart. I can honestly say my husband has never been able to reciprocate the magnitude my gift to him that day.
This year I wanted to do something special....not as special as 6 years ago, mind you, but something he would really appreciate. Anyone who has met my husband knows one thing he really appreciates is food. We had been watching a show called Man Vs. Food, a ridiculous yet entertaining program in which a relatively average man takes on grotesque eating challenges. If one ignores the glorification of gluttony some pretty appetizing platters are prepared. This particular show was all about burgers, Hubby's favorite. The host's challenge was to eat an absurdly gigantic burger. He failed...miserably. Hubby's mouth watered as he watched. After the show he declared that he would love to go on a "burger road trip". He wanted to drive around the U.S. finding the best burgers. Just as anyone who knows my husband would know he likes food, anyone who knows me would know I'm cheap. The thought of a road trip for the sole purpose of eating doesn't make sense to me. Why would a person travel into and around another country for something I can make at ho....HEY! I can make that at home! I could give him a special birthday meal and protect our financial future at the same time.
I hurriedly prepared a list of ingredients that I knew he would like then gave him the list. I had no intention of attempting a surprise (obviously) but when he read the list his eyes twinkled evilly. "I know what you're making!" I looked at him over the top of my glasses as if to say, "Are you done yet?" He turned and dutifully agreed to stop at the grocery store on his way home from work.
That night I made the monster. The birthday burger was 2 pounds of lean ground beef topped with shredded cheese, cream cheese, roasted jalapeno peppers, bacon, onions, mushrooms, and several condiments on a loaf of sour dough round. I can tell you that man did not conquer food that night, food definitely won the battle even after reinforcements were called in. Hubby enjoyed every minute of his defeat and applauded my efforts on the second best gift I've ever given him.
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