Why is it that what doctors do is called a "practice" but the same luxury is not afforded to parents? Most logical people understand that some ailments arise that particular doctor doesn't have experience with so consultations are made, research is done, and trials (and many times errors) happen. We trust our physicians to do their best for us. It's in the hypocratic oath! But for some reason we don't allow the same leeway to parents.
There are bad parents out there, no question! But many are just trying to establish their "practice". I cannot begin to number the times I have heard clicking tongues and expasperated sighs directed at people with children by parenting critics. The mall is a fantastic place to observe the observers. Attacks can range from dirty looks to tongue-in-cheek comments to overt insults hurled at surprised and usually frazzled parents. And quite often such is done with little to no context.
One might say, "I can't believe that mother spoke to her son that way!" Without hearing the plenteous "please stops" from the same, formerly calm mother in the minutes before.
Another might scoff, "I can't believe she didn't say anything to her daughter! Does she not care what that child is doing?" Without hearing the phone call that stole that mother's focus as she rushes out to deal with an emergency.
Depending on perspective anything said or done...or not said or not done could be "wrong" in another's eyes. I was speaking to a fellow mom one afternoon about her daughter's meltdown in the local WalMart. During the span of this one tantrum two "ladies of age" decided to weigh in with their personal opinions in the midst of the fray. The first sidled up to her and let my friend know if "that" were her daughter she'd have trouble sitting down after a good paddling. Only a few minutes later, and nearing the end of her patience, my friend pulled out the universal "or else" clause. About that time she noticed she was being watched rather closely by the second lady. Returning her gaze, the second lady challenged, "I'm just waiting to see what your 'or else' means because if you spank that child I'll be calling the police."
Dumbfounded and feeling defeated, she picked up her red-faced, hyperventilating, inconsolable daughter and walked out of the store. The ultimate example of Can't Win.
Problems with perspective are doubly applied when dealing with grandparents. My mother will be the first to say I don't do anything right (usually in good humour). She is appalled at the fact that I have given my kids the occasional pop, yet I seem to remember an endless supply of Tang in our house as a child. One time I allowed my preteen to bake cookies.....with the oven! I thought Gramma was going to have a heart attack. Don't worry, they both survived. Even simple differences of opinion between parents and grandparents can cause family feuds (that don't involve overly affectionate hosts).
"What do you mean your 6 month old can't have eggs? I gave you eggs and you're not dead."
"You can't take a 4 day-old out of the house! I waited until you were 6 weeks!
"Twelve is too young to bake cookies!"
You know, things like that.
While I tease, I do appreciate and seek advice from the generation before me. I don't claim to be the perfect parent, quite the opposite! I'm still practicing. I make mistakes all the time. Like the time my oldest daughter and I were talking about drugs. At the time I felt that all the talking in the world wouldn't prepare her for the atrocities that would befall her if she flirted with poison. Some parents would leave pamphlets strategically placed around the house. Some might show an educational show on addiction. Me? I forced her to listen to the entire rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody. While she did promise to never touch drugs...ever with wide, horrified eyes. I'll probably try a different tactic with the others.
While we're all practicing at parenthood I am so thankful that, as a Christian, my kids come with an instruction book. A book written by the perfect parent. A book full of perfect opinions with no need for context or perspective. While some little things may still confound me, the big things are covered.
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
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